三、習作點評

　　[2004年全國中學生英語能力競賽初賽初三組] (14分)

　　Choose one of your hobbies and write an article for the school magazine about it. Tell the magazine readers.

　　·What exactly your hobby is;

　　·When and how you became interested in this hobby;

　　·Why you enjoy your hobby;

　　·About your hopes and plans for the future.

　　寫作要求：

　　1.根據(jù)所提供的內(nèi)容，適當拓展想象空間，靈活地將提供的信息體現(xiàn)在文章中。

　　2.條理清楚，語句通順，書寫清晰、規(guī)范。

　　3.詞數(shù)60-80.

　　[學生習作A]

　　My hobby is read books①.When I was seven years old.I became interested in reading books.I like needing books because there are a lot of useful things in books.I can learn a lot of knowledge from books. Books also② can teach me how to be a good person.Books even can solve many problems for me.I will read more good books to improve myself.

　?、俑臑閞eading books，動詞作表語時應該用動名詞。

　?、赼lso的位置應放在can之后。

　　[點評]：檔次9-11分。

　?、僖c不全，漏掉最后一個要點。

　　②句子基本無誤，能正確傳遞信息給讀者但文章不流暢，句子與句子之間過渡不自然，給讀者感覺在回答上述問題。

　?、塾猩倭垮e誤。

　　[學生習作B]

　　My hobby is reading.Reading books is very enjoyable.When I was young ,my mother used to tell me a story before.I went to bed every night.The stories were so interesting that I always felt they weren’t enough.So I began to read books by myself.Little by little I became interested in reading.I can learn much knowledge and many interesting things all over the world.When I read books,I can enjoy the beautiful sentences.At the same time I can improve my writing.I want to be a writer in the future,so I must study hard and read more books so that my dream can come true.

　　①開門見山、點題。

　?、谡媲榱髀?，理由充分。

　?、畚闹袔Φ倪B詞使用得恰當，使文章過渡自然、

　?、芮擅钍褂镁湫鸵员頉Q心。

　　[點評]：檔次13-14分。

　?、偾宄磉_寫作目的，要點齊全。

　?、谡Z言表達靈活多樣，字里行間流露出真情實感，文章有感染力。

　?、矍‘斒褂眠B詞和從句，語言流暢，且無錯誤，是一篇高質(zhì)量的作文。

　　[高分突破]

　?、傥捏w：記敘文。

　?、谝c：what → when →how → why → hope and plan for the future.

　　③時態(tài)：一般現(xiàn)在時，一般過去時，一般將來時的自然變化。

　　內(nèi)容具有開放性，但它也是“控制性”的寫作試題，因此不能隨意發(fā)揮，要善于抓信息，寫完要點。選用這兩篇學生真實習作，一是因為他們選材相同，二是因為他們都是英語成績優(yōu)秀的同學。同學B靈活使用連詞so…that,so,little by little,when,so that等，恰到好處地使用新句型和短語used to,became interested in,come true……等，使內(nèi)容豐富，讀起來優(yōu)美流暢。其實這些表達同學A也會，只是缺乏技術加工。通過這兩篇作文點評，同學們便能悟出其中的奧妙。