網(wǎng)友作文四：

Dear Sir or Madam:

We would like to invite you to an exclusive presentation of our new product - duct former machine. The presentation will be held at Hailan Hotel, at Saturday ,on July 12, 2008. There will also be a reception at[1]? the same day.

Sanjing Technology Co. Ltd. is a leading producer of high – quality. As you will know, recent technological advances have made increasingly affordable to the public[2]?.The presentation will be held from 9:30 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. During that time, we wii show you the advantage of this machine, also show you how to operate the machine .After the presentation, we will arrange the dinner for you[3]?.

Please reply the invention until at Tuesday ,on July 8, 2008. We look forward to seeing you at Hailan Hotel on Saturday

Sincerely yours,
Lisa
PR manager
evelinefei@***.com
Enclosure: reception

[1]On
[2]Enjoyed high public awareness.
[3]口語化太明顯了。另外信函中的句子很多會使用被動語態(tài)的。改為： advantage and operation would be presented and there will be a dinner afterwards.

網(wǎng)友作文五：

Dear Sir[1],

It's very kind for you to read this mail[2].
I'm writting to invite that our company***will hold a ship promulgation meeting at Guomao Hotel at 3:00pm 30th June.We will introduce that our company product---ships,include ship types and specification and analyze the ship development futrue[3].
If we have the honour to take your time, please reply this mail before 28th June.
Thank you very much and best[4] regards.

***CO.LTD
Sales Department
***

[1]補充格式
[2]這句話太謙卑了，沒有必要。去掉。
[3]飄紅的部分，語法結(jié)構(gòu)有問題，商業(yè)信函的特征就是干練，精確，完整，一語中第，如果長句寫不好，就放棄，改為短句。Invite you to attend our release conference at .... 第二句：we will launch a new product-- *** ship. 第三句：all the information about the ship such as type, specification, and quality would be presented.
[4]如果這是一封正式的商業(yè)信函，如果你不是和對方很熟悉，建議換掉這個結(jié)尾吧：sincerely yours 是個不錯的選擇！