滬江小編:男女交往是個(gè)難題,如果一段感情要成功,男女雙方必須有共識(shí),雙方焦點(diǎn)要一致。那么這個(gè)焦點(diǎn)是什么? 那個(gè)焦點(diǎn)就是女生!哈哈~這段脫口秀真素經(jīng)典,告訴男生們女生為什么總是不爽的原因。絕對(duì)是真相帝啊~太強(qiáng)大了!看完后那個(gè)神清氣爽……

華麗麗的中英原文:

If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t seriously thought about killing the motherfucker, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll they ass up in, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t practiced your alibi in front of the mirror… you ain’t been in love. And the only thing that stopped you from killing this motherfucker was an episode of CSI.
在座的只要有真正愛過的,都可以幫我做見證!假如你沒有考慮過要?dú)⑷耍憔头Q不上愛過。假如你沒有認(rèn)真想過要?dú)⒘四莻€(gè)混帳,你就沒真正愛過。假如你沒有手里拿著一罐老鼠藥,然后盯著罐子看四十五分鐘,你就沒真正愛過。假如你沒有去買過鏟子,布袋還有地毯來毀尸滅跡,你就沒真正愛過。假如你沒有在鏡子前練習(xí)你不在場證明,你就沒真正愛過。而唯一阻止你動(dòng)手的原因,是你為你看了CSI犯罪現(xiàn)場。

See, relationships are hard. But in order for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page. Both people have to have the same focus…and the focus is all about her,is all about her! Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say,” Fuck you. Fuck your hopes, fuck your dreams, fuck your plans, fuck everything you thought this life was gonna bring you. Now let’s go out there and try and make this bitch happy.”
沒錯(cuò),男女交往是個(gè)難題,如果一段感情要成功男女雙方必須有共識(shí),雙方焦點(diǎn)要一致。大家都知道那個(gè)共識(shí)是什么,焦點(diǎn)是什么。 感情要成功,雙方焦點(diǎn)就要相同。那么焦點(diǎn)是什么? 那個(gè)焦點(diǎn)就是女生!焦點(diǎn)都得在她身上!女生老早就知道這一點(diǎn)了,她們可是在等你跟進(jìn)呢!男士們,你們一早醒來,應(yīng)該對(duì)著鏡中的自己說"去你的!去你的希望,去你的夢想,去你的計(jì)劃。跟你對(duì)人生的所有期望都說再見吧!現(xiàn)在,你只要想辦法取悅那個(gè)女生就夠了!”

Yes. It’s all about her, fellas. Say yes to everything. Everything. Everything you can afford, say yes to. Just say yes. Before she even gets it out of her fucking mouth. “Honey, can…” Yes. “Honey, I…” Yes. Just get a stamp. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
沒錯(cuò)!所有焦點(diǎn)都在她身上。面對(duì)一切,你都得說好,一切,只要你付得起就說“好“。說“好“就對(duì)了,根本不用等她說完?!坝H愛的,我想...”“好““親愛的,我能...”“好”“親愛的,那個(gè)...”“好”……干脆去弄個(gè)印章,好!好!好!好!好!好!好!好!

Another thing, fellas – don’t argue. You cannot win. You cannot beat a woman in an argument, it’s impossible. You will not win, cos men… we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cos we have a need to make sense.
另一件事,伙計(jì)們,別跟她吵架。你沒有勝算。你和女生吵架是吵不贏的,這是完全不可能的!你贏不了的,因?yàn)槟猩鷮?duì)于吵架有先天障礙。因?yàn)槲覀儽仨氈v道理!

Women ain’t gonna let a little thing like sense fuck up they argument. Cos she not in it for sense, she’s in it for distance and irritation. “How long can I talk before this motherfucker snaps?” They want you to shake the shit out of them till you hear the cops coming. “Motherfucker, I’m serious!”“Oh, shit, let me get the fuck outta here.” But here’s one thing nobody tells you. You can’t make a woman happy. It’s impossible. I’ve never met a happy woman in my life. Women are always complaining about something. Women like to complain, women save up shit to complain about. “He don’t even know I know but I’m gonna get his ass on that shit next month.”
女生吵架不會(huì)在乎“道理“這種小東西。因?yàn)樗臣懿皇菫榱恕暗览怼保臣苁菫榱撕湍惚3志嚯x和煩死你?!拔乙獓Z叨多久,他才會(huì)發(fā)飆?”她想逼你動(dòng)粗,一直到警察來為止?!盎鞄?,我是說真的!”……沒錯(cuò),就像我所說的,你要竭盡所能去取悅她,竭盡所能哦! 但有一件事你一定不知道,你無法讓女人開心!這是完全不可能的,我這輩子還沒看見女人開心。她們永遠(yuǎn)有東西好抱怨,她們還能累積事情,留到以后抱怨?!八€不知道我知道,我下個(gè)月再找他算賬”。

No matter what you do, she’ll be mad. You can fuck a woman with a diamond dick and make her come ten times, she’ll still complain. “Why’d you make me come so hard? This diamond dick is cloudy. Why didn’t you go to Tiffany’s? You’re so fucking cheap.”No matter what you do, your woman is mad at you. If you work all the time, “Why you workall the time? You ain’t never home. You always leavin’ me. I hate this shit.” If you home all the time, “Why you all up under me? Let me get some fucking room to breathe. Damn, stop sweatin’ me. I hate this shit.” If you make more money than her. “Fuck you. I wanna make decisions too. You ain’t my fucking daddy, I don’t need you to take care of me. I hate this shit.” If she makes more money than you,”You broke motherfucker. You never have no fucking money.Fuck this shit. I don’t wanna make all these decisions. I need to be taken care of. I hate this shit. I can’t take it.”
她們超愛抱怨的,她們超愛的。無論你怎么樣,她都能不爽。無論怎么樣,你的女人都能不爽你!假如你花太多時(shí)間工作,“你為什么每次都在工作?你都不在家,你都棄我于不顧,我受夠了!”假如你每次都待在家,“你干嘛一直黏著我,讓我有點(diǎn)自己的空間!不要一直煩我,我受夠了!”假如你收入比她高,“去你的,我也想自己做決定,你又不是我爸,我不需要你來照顧我,我受夠了!”假如她收入比你高,“你這個(gè)王八窮光蛋,你連一丁點(diǎn)錢都沒有,去你的,我不想每次都是自己做決定,我也想被呵護(hù)阿,我受夠了,我受不了了!”

And the number one reason your woman’s always mad, fellas, the number one reason your woman is pissed the fuck off…cos you ain’t her first choice. Fellas, you ever catch your woman just looking at you but not saying nothing? In her mind, she’s thinking, “How did I end up with this ugly motherfucker? Oh, Lord, this motherfucker’s ugly and stupid. I had a good man and I blew it. Damn, Lord, kill my man. Kill him, please. Kill him while I still look good enough to get something new. Please kill this motherfucker now. Strike him! Strike him! If you out there, Lord, strike this motherfucker dead.”
而女生會(huì)生氣的首要原因,男士們。女生會(huì)怎么不爽的主要原因,因?yàn)樗鞠胍牟皇悄?!男士們,你有沒有碰過自己的女人盯著你看,但卻一言不發(fā)?!拔以趺磿?huì)落得跟這個(gè)丑八怪在一起?老天爺,這家伙又丑又笨,我之前有過好對(duì)象,但我卻搞砸了。拜托您殺了他吧,趁我年輕貌美可以找新男人,殺了他吧!請(qǐng)您殺了這混蛋,快,劈死他,劈死他!假如您存在的話,快劈死這混帳東西吧!”